Metal Earth models
Monday, November 3rd, 2025
7:36 pm PST
Hi, yes, it’s been a very long time since anything other than my bio has been updated here! Whatever happened to consistency, to weekly posts, to plans? My second year of college did.
I did write a couple posts in these few months, usually while procrastinating on studying, which I probably won’t publish. Editing/rewriting emotions since long gone just doesn’t feel right. I may feel the same way some day soon. Who knows what the future holds?
I have a running list of future blog posts, and none of them entice me today. Why write a blog at all, then? Well, it’s the first evening perhaps the whole year with nothing imminent to do. Who knows when such a time will come back. (It won’t. The past never comes back.)
This is just a meta post filled with whatever comes to mind. ————————————————————————————– ————————————————————————————–
My laundry is done now, but some things can be put on hold.
I think in the recent weeks, I’ve been changing my views on life. It’s a continuation of the last year or so, but hella concave up. I am slowly ridding myself of the guilt and shame that can plague us all, the drive towards productivity I don’t believe in, and the overthinking specific to just me, it seems. Life is wonderful, this is known, but I can get caught up in comparisons and creating mountains out of molehills: when I am in a slump, it is hard to see past it or think critically about it. I am using a lot of metaphors and flowery language because I am rusty! Practice makes not perfect but maintenance, and I am my dad’s 2003 sedan, chugging along yet one more day.
So, I’m living in the moment more. I don’t know what I’ll do after I finish this blog post! And that’s okay! I don’t “need” to do anything. This thought experiment falters when I consider I haven’t showered today, my clothes cannot forever hog the dryer, and sleep is a requirement. But the micromanaging down to the very minute… that can stop. And it has.
I have mostly stopped setting an alarm for 5 am, or having a strict bedtime. This means my sleep has waxed and waned in recent weeks. I go to sleep around 12 usually, goofing off and eating copious amounts of sugar before that, and I do know that’s not sustainable. I function much better with lots of early sleep. But I hated having an alarm, and am happy to not have one anymore. I needed it once—thanks to late-night shenanigans and a really early commitment—and woke up before it anyway. Love you, daylights savings!
My diet is where I struggle. I am not good at eating consistently, healthily, or fillingly because I cannot cook so well. It doesn’t help that the days are blending together, but I don’t remember what I eat. Nowhere to go but up! I put back the TJ’s frozen dumplings, which was a start (I’ve been eating a lot of those) and I am trying to buy more diverse veggies. My health is okay, touchwood, but in living on my own I am much more cautious of what I can and can’t eat.
My doctor has repeatedly advised me to eat less of the (simple) carbs, not for weight loss but to regulate my hormones, so I’ve entirely replaced rice with quinoa, cut potatoes and very little pasta or bread. I wouldn’t have eaten much of any of them anyway, so it wasn’t a difficult change.
But I am just not very creative in my meals. Dal has not been working, so my mom promised to stage a FaceTime intervention soon. I eat a lot of fried eggs, but have been missing breakfasts and lunches and dinners sporadically, which is not good. Again, I’m having trouble distinguishing days and events. It feels like I just moved in, but it’s November already and my second month’s rent is due.
School is, thankfully, going well. I kicked ass on my physics midterms. The political science and astronomy ones remain to be seen, but I don’t expect below a 90 on either. My professors are wonderful, with one notable exception, and I feel fulfilled by these classes. I am officially a triple major in physics, astronomy, and political science! It’s relieving to no longer be Pre-Sciences. Next quarter, anyway.
I love my friends! They’re wonderful, brilliant, kind people and I have tried to do better with telling them that. After the beginning of the year, where I felt like I never saw anyone, I am getting more time to be social. We’ve had birthday dinners, “study” sessions, regular dinners… good times.
I am heading to my favorite observatory this weekend.
I don’t really want to write anymore, so I’m going to end it here. (See? When I don’t want to keep going, I don’t need to force myself. I can stop.) I can only promise an effort to do better with more blog posts, but if they’re not there, please do not send me an angry message, my adoring fans! I know maybe only a handful of folks have ever clicked on this site, you don’t need to tell me…
See you around.