Hope survives
December 31, 2025 7:29 PST
Seattle, Washington
Hi, greetings from a very foggy Seattle evening. I am at home for just a bit longer, 30 minutes exactly, before I head to a friend’s party, but I do believe that’s enough.
Life has been good to me lately. I had a thought recently, one that I hope will be its own blog post, that I am really proud of who I am becoming. But now I have 29 minutes, and I should get to the point. One newsletter I actually read is We’re Here by John and Hank Green, of vlogbrothers and novel and tuberculosis fame, among others. And John ended the last edition of 2025 with this:
Hope survives, to borrow a line from W. H. Auden, in the valley of its own making. Let no one steal it from you. Let no one deny it to you. Let it survive improbably in that valley, where the sun rises late and sets early. But still it rises. In spite of everything, it still rises.
I want to write something similar, as sort of a farewell to this year. When I get home, I’ll journal a little, pack my bag for a trip tomorrow (I’m staying at a friend’s house to end winter break) and go the hell to sleep. And when I wake up, this year will be gone. 25 minutes.
I think my biggest takeaway from this year is that I’m finally figuring out who I am. I spent most of my early years believing I was a good, great person. Teenage me thought I couldn’t be much worse. And now? Well, 23 minutes, I’m just a person.
My mother is calling me but I don’t have time to pick up.
I did a lot. Ran probably less miles than previous years, though I don’t actually track it, but I did take my two longest runs this year. It was inconsistent, and sometimes very slow, but I do feel an improvement in my times and beyond that, I continued an activity that improves my physical and mental health. I also snowshoed up a mountain, hiked up two waterfalls and dozens of parks, and saw so many mountains.
I read a number of books I also don’t know, because I don’t track that either, but some highlights include:
- I’ll Never Call Him Dad Again by Caroline Darian
- Eloquent Rage by Brittney Cooper
- Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar
I watched The Life of Chuck, which was wonderful, and some seven seasons of The Rookie. And listened to tons of jazz and Gregory Alan Isakov, as usual.
I had some bumps in winter quarter 25 with academics, but there was a sharp uptick from there. My schooling went really well this last quarter, and research and other projects went really well too. I continue to feel very fulfilled by my education! Which is good, and how it should be. 16 minutes.
And I have loved and been loved very deeply this year. Most of my friends I met this year! I feel close to my parents, to my little brother, to my grandparents. I connected with my professors, with my classmates. What more can I ask out of a life, than to enjoy the time I spend with other people? 22 minutes. (I moved this around.) Honestly, writing the minutes is kind of interesting. I know this is my own writing, but if it wasn’t, I’d find it cool how someone thinks in real time. You only ever read finished products.
I don’t think I want the blog to go in this direction, 20 minutes, but hey, I can’t help it. Hopefully my writing skills improve in 2026.
I think that ends of years are often sad, like all endings. Part of me wants to cling to 2025, and when you’re in the moment, it’s hard to really see whether this was a good year or not. Like looking back at January to March, I cringe at some things and my general mental state. (Mostly a lot of stress and perpetually doing things at the last minute.) This happens a lot with me, 13 minutes, but honestly? I look back at this last quarter of 2025 with nothing but fondness.
Sometimes you can tell that certain experiences have changed who you are and who you will be, and these are usually negative—I’ve had my share of those, believe me—but in this case, I’m just happy. I’m under no impression that this happiness will last forever, but in a way that’s the best part.
All I have to do now is be happy, go spend time with my friends, and move back into the times of inevitable despair with hope that the joy will return. Getting more on track with where I wanted this to go, 12 minutes.
I don’t like to spend time in predictions or resolutions because it takes me out of the day-to-day. So I only have one “goal” next year: I am doing Veganuary next year. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I hope to do it long-term. While I write this, I am full from 4 pieces of Domino’s pizza: my last for a good while. 10 minutes.
I think my only real hopes for 2026 is that they exist: that no matter the circumstances, we as a species continue to keep our chins up and are ready to fight the good fight. I hope to stop schedule-sending my texts and just remember the thing on the day. I hope that I can ease my anxiety a little more. I hope that I run more consistently. 8 minutes. 8 precious minutes, on this wonderful planet. I don’t know if it’s just the new year’s spirit, but I am really happy right now. Happy to be alive, to be writing with 7 minutes left, to be with many of my loved ones, happy to be able to be happy. What a wonderful world.
Happy New Year. Hope you are spending it somewhere good. See you in 2026. 6 mins.